Chiaki Creates

The human mind, old films, literature and podcasts.


October goals

October Goals | Chiaki Creates○ Listen to more inspirational podcasts.

○ Get enough sleep.

○ Make some extra money and put it in my savings account.

○ Read an inspiring book.

○ Buy a new pair of Chelsea boots.

○ Write out my thoughts.

○ Find a place to settle in.

○ Eat more nuts and seeds.

○ Work on setting healthy boundaries.


Taking stock

Taking Stock | Chiaki Creates chiakicreates.comEnjoying: spending my days off relaxing, writing and reading.
Listening: to Nine Inch Nails, Paul Dempsey and Bright Eyes.
Wearing: my open kimono tunic.
Making: progress in creating the life that I want to live.
Cooking: white miso soup.
Drinking: Whole Earth organic sparkling lemonade.
Feeling: more content with my life than I have in over 5 years.
Reading: The Changeling by Kenzaburō Ōe.
Looking: for a place to settle in.
Liking: having a nap in a dark room after work.
Snacking: on organic roasted hazelnuts and Nom organic cacao & raspberry oat bars.
Coveting: a kimono dressing gown like Minnie Castevet’s in Rosemary’s Baby (1968).
Hearing: lots of new podcasts.
Learning: to stay patient when things go wrong.
Loving: having a fabulous job and wonderful colleagues.
Watching: old William Castle films. Homicidal (1961) never gets boring.
Admiring: my own persistence and undying hope. Seriously, wow.
Getting: excited about Hallowe’en.
Noticing: that I’ve started enjoying being alone again. Alone time is the best.
Giggling: at Andy Daly’s Review.
Deciding: to stop relying on other people.
Hoping: to go to my brother’s cottage in the wilderness of Sweden to write someday.
Wanting: complete freedom. I’m working on it.
Knowing: that only I can make myself happy.

Taking Stock is a feature inspired by the lovely Pip of Meet Me At Mike’s.


I trust my journey

I Trust My Journey | Chiaki Creates chiakicreates.comI’m in a much, much better place now than I was a year ago. I have the determination, the hope and the love. I know that I can do whatever I want. I just need to figure out exactly what that is. Aren’t we all trying to figure it out? I trust my journey, even when life seems impossible. I’m a fighter and I’m never ever going to give up on creating a happy life for myself.

Right now, my living situation is my only pressing problem but it’s having a huge effect on my well-being. Life seems to have turned into a vicious circle of living in people’s spare rooms. Since May last year, I’ve lived in three different spare rooms and I’m now facing the prospect of moving into yet another spare room before moving again soon. I just want it to stop. I just want to settle. I miss having a home. I miss having a place where I can relax and feel safe. I miss having a place where I’m not constantly bothered by people who think that it’s okay to treat me like I’m worthless.

Apart from that, I’m good. I have supportive loving people around me. I’m hoping to be able to visit my friends and family in Sweden for a while again soon. I have a job that I love and the most wonderful colleagues. It’s a huge thing for me because I’ve hated every job I’ve ever had save one, but even that one ended up boring me in the end. My job is only guaranteed until the end of the year though and when it ends, I have no idea what to do. Life has been repeatedly pulling the rug from under my feet for far too long.

I’ve decided to use all the insane stuff that I’ve been through over the last 5 years as material for the autofiction book that I’m writing about my past. The working title is Can I Go Now?, a nod to my commitment issues and my tendency to get impatiently bored with things and people. I have no intention on holding back on anything in it, so I’m going to tell my family that they best not read it.

For a while now, I’ve had this idea of becoming a life coach. I want to help people live like they mean it. There’s something about me that makes people talk openly about their thoughts and feelings, so I figure it might be a good idea. I want to build on the psychology courses I’ve taken. I want to use my knowledge and my life experience to help people live happier. Frankly, the only thing stopping me is the fear of being self-employed.

How about you? Do you trust your journey?


What’s on my mind

Our thoughts define who we are, but so do the things that we spend our time thinking about. The first thing I ask when I want to get to know someone is what things occupy their thoughts. What they’re into. If you love finding out what’s going on inside people’s heads as much as I do, here’s your chance to get inside my head. In no particular order, these are the things that I think about the most.What's On My Mind | Chiaki Creates chiakicreates.comLove
I spend a lot of time thinking about the people I love unconditionally who love me unconditionally. They’re not many and they all live elsewhere, but I’m so lucky to have them in my life. I feel blessed to have super connections with people.

David Bowie
You’ve probably gathered by now that Bowie is my muse and inexhaustible source of inspiration. He motivates me to go after my dreams, to change things when I’m unhappy with the way my life is going and to never ever give up no matter what craziness the Universe sends my way.

Writing ideas
I’m always thinking about what I’m currently working on. When I start writing something new, I simply start and let the piece develop organically. I rarely know when I start if it it’s going to be a chapter of my book, a blog post or a magazine article. Sometimes it’s just something that needs to come out, not to be shared.

Books I want to read, books I’ve read and books I want to re-read. I remember exactly when I read every book that I’ve ever read. The memory of reading them is attached to what was going on in my life at the time because I draw parallels between my life and the plot. I just finished reading The Art of Asking: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Let People Help by Amanda Palmer and it really spoke to me. So much so, that I’m considering writing Amanda a heartfelt email.

Happy things
I’ve trained myself to focus on the delightful little things in life and expressing gratitude for them. It makes a huge difference to my well-being. When I’m looking forward to something, I do it with my whole heart. A lot of times the anticipation is even better than the event itself! Podcasts are included in happy things. I listen to at least 3 podcasts every day and when I’m not listening, I’m thinking about the next podcast I’m going to listen to.

Green tea is a huge part of my day. I’m always wondering when I can have my next cup of tea, even when I’m having one. When I’m going away, tea is the first thing on my packing list. My favourites are sencha, jasmine green tea, jasmine silver needle tea and cherry blossom green tea.

I think a lot about how cats work, what beautiful and amazing creatures they are, and when I can next cuddle one. I find spending time with cats very therapeutic. I have cat friends who I go for walks with or have a lunch break with at work.

True crime
I’ve always been a huge true crime nerd. Yes, I was a morbid child. It’s not normal to absorb and think about true crime as much as I do, but in my defence I come at it from a psychology angle. Read on.

I spend most of my time studying human behaviour and figuring out why people behave the way they do. I’d love to become a forensic psychologist or a true crime writer but I wouldn’t be able to cope with being exposed to so much evil on a daily basis. Therefore, I decided to take the positive psychology route instead.

Films I want to watch, films I’ve watched and films I want to re-watch. I can watch my favourite films over and over without getting bored of them. In my mind, certain films are attached to certain people. For example, The Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975) and Bedazzled (1967) are attached to my best friend. I quote films and draw parallels between real life and films all the time.

I wanted to give you a truthful account so it had to be included. Everyone thinks about sex all the time, right?

How about you? What things do you think about the most?

Phrenology head template found here.


10 things you might not know about me

10 Things You Might Not Know About Me | Chiaki Creates chiakicreates.com1. I love hotel rooms because they’re blank slates. I occasionally go to hotel bars for a drink even if I’m not staying in the hotel because they instantly make you anonymous. You don’t bring your past with you to a hotel and they’re wonderful places to write in.

2. Most of the time I keep it off the blog, but I’m a gore fiend and super morbid. If it’s gross, I want to hear and make inappropriate jokes about it! It’s such a huge part of my personality and my sense of humour that excluding it makes me feel like I’m hiding a lot of my personality on here.

3. I’ve mentioned before that I have pretty wicked and very lucid dreams, but I haven’t mentioned that my dreams are so vivid that they tend to bleed into my day. This often makes me struggle to differentiate between dreams and reality. In other words, I often mistake dreams for memories!

4. My family can be counted on one hand. Mum, dad, step mum, brother and maternal grandma. There are more people in my family but I don’t know them.

5. I’m prone to nosebleeds when I’m under a lot of pressure.

6. When my best friend and I were art students, we used to create new personas for ourselves when we were around people who didn’t know who we were. We used to write scripts, act them out and include unsuspecting strangers. We played pranks on everyone and habitually dared each other, and others, to do insane things. Of course, we also compulsively recorded everything in our lives (including our little films and pranks) using cameras, video cameras, tape recorders and good old notebooks.

7. I have a scar shaped like the symbol for sulfur (a Leviathan Cross) on my inner bicep.

8. I used to be a collector of books, films and records. I also had a walk-in closet full of clothes, shoes, bags and accessories. None of it made me any happier. Before I moved to England, I sold and donated everything. Now, I’m at the other extreme. I’ve stayed in people’s spare rooms for 16 months and I’ve been living out of a suitcase since April. I’m dying to find a place where I can put my books on some shelves and my clothes in a wardrobe.

9. I talk to myself. A lot.

10. I have a strong dislike for forced fun such as weddings, Birthday parties, work parties, etc. It takes all my strength to attend and I’m emotionally drained for at least one day after the event.

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September goals

September Goals | Chiaki Creates○ Ask for a therapy referral.

○ Eat more salads.

○ Start regularly putting money into my savings account again.

○ Read every day that I’m not working.

○ Dye my hair orange again. (It’s currently red by accident.)

○ Find a new place to live.

○ Get dolled up more often.

○ Work on managing my anxiety.

○ Review my short term and long term goals.

○ Walk for at least an hour every day.


5 amazing revenge films

The urge to take revenge is a visceral reaction to feeling hurt or wronged, but most of us don’t act on it because intellectually we know that it won’t make things better. Therefore, it can be liberating to watch someone else take revenge on a screen. Here are my five favourite revenge flicks.5 Amazing Revenge Films | Chiaki Creates chiakicreates.comDalkomhan Insaeng (A Bittersweet Life)
South Korean action (2005)

The original title translates as ‘the sweet life’. Lee Byung-hun plays a gangster who unintentionally starts an irreversible war with his gang after refusing to follow his boss’ orders to kill his mistress. It’s stylish and bloody and everything a revenge film should be but what makes this film special is Lee’s outstanding performance. He’s also in I Saw the Devil (2010), another excellent revenge film. He does revenge extraordinary well.5 Amazing Revenge Films | Chiaki Creates chiakicreates.comThriller – en grym film (Thriller: A Cruel Picture)
Swedish exploitation film (1973)

The first Swedish film I write about is of course an exploitation flick from the 70s. It’s also known as They Call Her One Eye and Hooker’s Revenge. Madeleine is sexually assaulted as a child and is so traumatised by it that it makes her mute. One day, she gets kidnapped after accepting a ride from a man called Tony and he forces her into heroin addiction and prostitution. Madeleine decides to train as an assassin to take revenge on those who have wronged her. When this film was made, porn was being liberalised in Sweden which explains why there are hardcore porn scenes edited into it. Quentin Tarantino loves this film and drew heavily on it for Kill Bill (2003/2004).5 Amazing Revenge Films | Chiaki Creates chiakicreates.comDeath Proof
American action exploitation horror film (2007)

Quentin Tarantino’s part of the double feature Grindhouse. Stuntman Mike uses his “death proof” stunt car to murder young women by causing car accidents. One day he messes with the wrong trio of women and they come after him. The stuntwoman Zoë Bell (who doubled for Uma Thurman in Kill Bill) plays herself and performs her own stunts. Rose McGowan is one of my favourite women and she’s always a joy to watch. To me, this is Tarantino’s purest film. It’s gritty in the style of 70s exploitation films that were shown in grindhouse theatres and the film was intentionally damaged to make it look like that. The story echoes Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill! (1965). The other part of Grindhouse is the zombie flick Planet Terror directed by Robert Rodriguez. The films are joined together by brilliant faux trailers that evoke the old exploitation drive-in classics.5 Amazing Revenge Films | Chiaki Creates chiakicreates.comChinjeolhan geumjassi (Sympathy for Lady Vengeance)
South Korean suspense thriller (2005)

Part three of Park Chan-wook’s Vengeance Trilogy. After spending more than 13 years in prison for the kidnapping and murder of a little boy, Lee Guem-ja goes after the man who was really responsible. This is a dark film about revenge, emotional pain and how time can actually deepen wounds, so Park’s usual black humour is very welcome. His use of symbols and metaphors is wonderful, and the way that light and colour is used makes this film visually stunning. Also, watch Oldboy (2003), part two of Park Chan-wook’s Vengeance Trilogy.5 Amazing Revenge Films | Chiaki Creates chiakicreates.comThe Crow
American fantasy action (1994)

On Devil’s Night, Eric and his fiancée Sarah are attacked by a crazy gang in their flat. Sarah is raped and murdered, and Eric falls through a window to his death. A year after their deaths, a crow brings him back from the dead so that he can methodically exact revenge on the gang members one by one. The Crow is most known for being the film that Brandon Lee, Bruce Lee’s son, was killed during the making of. Despite what stubborn rumours say, his death is not in the film. The soundtrack is beautiful, featuring The Cure and a Nine Inch Nails cover of Joy Division’s Dead Souls. This film is the wet dream of every 90s goth.

How about you? Do you have any favourite revenge films?


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